Ragamuffin
by PunkZebra
Summary: Legolas and Aragorn are sent to modern times... Legolas dressed up as a Diva Star... yadayada... same old
1. Incantations

~*~*This is crazy. It originated from CCD class while some screwed up lady with big hair was talking about hands...*~*~  
  
`Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeeeeero?!' Laurie gave her best imitation of Bette Midler into her hairbrush.  
  
`Ack! You're gonna break my mirror! Shut up!' Candace moaned as she covered her ears.  
  
`You're everything I wish I could beeeeeeeeeee...!'  
  
`SHUT UP!' Candace lunged at Laurie and knocked her over onto the floor.  
  
`Ouchies!' Laurie squeaked in pain.  
  
`You deserved it!' Candace laughed at Laurie whimpering.  
  
`...so?' Laurie acted innocent, `Hey, what part are you at?' she asked, noticing Candace's copy of The Return of the King.  
  
`Umm... Legolas is talking about dead people...'  
  
`Oh, yeah,' Laurie had already finished the book, so she knew exactly what Candace meant.  
  
`Hey,' Candace began, laughing, `do you remember in CCD when Mrs. Gagas was talking about hands, and we were like "let's give up our virginity for Lent!'  
  
`Mhmm...' Laurie was busy flipping through the pages of the Appendix. `Hey, what's this?' she asked as a slip of green paper fell out of the book.  
  
Candace parked herself next to Laurie on the floor, interested.  
  
`I dunno, what's it say?' she inquired.  
  
`It's some form of Elvish,' Laurie stated, `I can't read it!'  
  
`STOP QUOTING THE MOVIE!' Candace screeched, `Nicole will come over here and beat you with a stick!'  
  
Laurie laughed.  
  
`Okay, fine, but it is in Elvish...' she said.  
  
`Read it!' Candace begged.  
  
`Why?'  
  
`Why not?'  
  
`Hey, that's my phrase...' Laurie jokingly scolded Candace. `Okay, fine, but you read it with me.'  
  
Candace leaned over to see the paper and they both read:  
  
Legolas a Aragorn, Lasto beth daer: Toltha na I amar, a ned vîn ôl!  
  
Right away, the room started to shake. The pages of the book flipped through, as if by an imaginary hand, then flew across the room into a wall. As soon as it hit the floor, everything was calm again. Candace and Laurie looked at each other, and they realized that they had made a huge mistake. 


	2. Archery Apples

~*Aragorn and Legolas are, obviously, property of J.R.R. Tolkien… oh how I wish it were otherwise…*~  
  
~*~*Hint of slashiness, but nothing too drastic*~*~  
  
  
  
'Where are we going?' Legolas asked, his breath short and strained, as he was being pulled through the woods by Aragorn.  
  
'Archery practice!' came the enthused reply.  
  
'And we are so excited about that because…?'  
  
'Because, my dear Elf,' Aragorn panted between long strides, 'I have thought of a new way of practice!'  
  
'And that would be…?' Legolas was undoubtedly puzzled.  
  
Aragorn raised a small, brown potato sack, which, up until that moment, had gone completely unnoticed.  
  
"Apples!" Aragorn sounded like a two-year-old who just discovered that he could open a cookie jar all by himself.  
  
With that comment, Legolas dug his heels into the ground and pulled Aragorn to a halt.  
  
"Explain yourself, King of Men! Now!"  
  
Aragorn grinned, for they had just reached the clearing that he was heading for. He stood still a moment, as if to catch his breath, then sighed.  
  
'To improve your speed and accuracy! Here,' Aragorn reached into the sack, pulled out a brilliant burgundy apple, and polished it on his tunic until it had a gleaming shine, 'draw your bow, Legolas! This is your new target!' Seeing that Legolas had whipped out his bow and was perfectly poised, waiting, Aragorn hurled the apple across the clearing. Legolas aimed, and, with perfect precision, splintered the apple with a single arrow.  
  
'Now I see your game, Aragorn,' Legolas smiled, and the cloud of confusion rose away from his beautiful face.  
  
Aragorn laughed and continued, and flung apple after apple, and each one was fractured to pieces by one of Legolas's arrows. The Man's arm was growing quite weary, however, and inadvertently, an apple slipped from his fingers and went hurtling towards Legolas's blonde head. The Elf's attention had been attracted to a small finch, singing a sweet song in a sapling not too far away, so he did not know of his danger. Aragorn was about to call out a warning to him, but it was too late! The apple struck Legolas in the left temple, and they both—Elf and fruit—collapsed to the grassy ground beneath them.  
  
Stunned and worried, Aragorn ran over to Legolas's limp form lying on the ground.  
  
'Legolas!' he said, harshly, with much anxiety in his voice. He cupped Legolas's face in his hands and gently tapped his cheeks. 'Legolas!' Then Aragorn looked at the Elf in his arms. His eyes were open, but there was no sign of coherency behind their stunning cerulean. Aragorn was beginning to panic now, and he was breathing heavily into Legolas's face.  
  
Suddenly, Legolas's eyes flickered, and he blinked. Groggily he looked up, only to see Aragorn's face looming mere inches away from his own. Aragorn flushed slightly, and sat back. Legolas slowly rose, looked at Aragorn, grinned sarcastically and remarked,  
  
'Now I know why the apple is called the passion fruit…'  
  
Embarrassed, Aragorn stood up to walk away. He headed for the woods, but never made it.  
  
There was a flash of brilliant light, and the earth shook in terrible tremors. Legolas ran over to Aragorn, and they shared a frightened glance as the light grew blinding and the ground beneath their feet was no more. 


End file.
